Linus in Jail
Please help me! I am surrounded by the world's most violent felines. I do not belong here. Get me out now!
I plea to all my fellow felines out there, cats everywhere...help me!
FREE THE LINUS!
My cell mates are so mean to me. There's Lucifer the one on my left, he likes to bite me every chance he gets. He is the meanest cat I have ever encountered. He is in here for 1st degree Linus slaughter/murder (Dwight, the fat cat on my lower right told me that) Apparently, he kilt another cat that was humping his wife, and now she has kittens by him. Thats just Lini gossip though. Dwight is the only nice cat, and we have become good friends. He appreciates the finer qualities of shredded turkey and gravee...although we neva get dat here. The only reason he is here is because he is so fat his humans decided to lock him up to make him less fat. Not very nice is dat? Well, he told me what he did. He told me dat dare was an incident with some pet birds, and his humans were out at work...when dey came home, no more birds..and Dwight had to come here for his punishment. We are lucky is we get some water and stale dry food.
The nasty bitch below me is Pixie, she in here for prostitution. She already tried to weasle her way into Dwight's and I's good graces, we try to ignore her but she is in a state of perpetual heat. She moans and whines all damn night. I tried to tell her nicely dat I have no balls and I am unable to satisfy her...but, I think she swallowed some drano or something because she doesnt understand. Okay, then there is, the kitten on my right is in here for mental health reasons...we arent quite sure yet exactly why. He has no name.
Dwight and I have been trying all night to catch dis mouse in here. There are some really mean cats in here. Its so loud we get hardy a twinkle of sleep. The warden cats spit at us and we really need brushing bad. Well, I better go now, i don't want the cat warden to find out we know how to hack into his computer. Please send help!
FREE THE LINUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dwight and I need help!
2 Comments:
Linus:
I don't think Katie has ever laughed so hard while reading your post. She's heartless. I heard her all the way in the bedroom. I pray to the didgeridoo gods that you are released soon. Remember Mandela, he was strong and so are you, my fellow furry brotha! Fur power!
Linus!
Now you listen to me! you would never be in this situation if you hadnet been such a pea brain and jumped all over the place and broken stuff. Now Appoligize to your mother and maybe she'll have forgiveness! Do it, its your only chance for you and Dwight!
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