Kabobs

Lini going crazy! I'm so hungry today I can hardly stand it. My Mommy came home from da store with these bags full of fresh food and what did I get? the same..shredded turkey and gravy. I'm so sick of dat! Mommy and Daddy started making these tings called kabobs. I don't know why dey call dem dat. Do you?
Well, they put their meat on a stick and den they burned it on da grill. The grill is right next to my perch, so I could smell it cooking. It looked delicious, juicy meat and steak and den I saw some SHRYMP! I luff shrymp! Oh dear yes. I got some kabobs from Mommy. I luffed it all, it was great. She cut it up real tiny for me and I gobbled it all up. I really liked the SHRYMP! I'm still hungry though, guess I'll eat the shredded turkey and gravee now. Humans are spoiled.

I can type!

Listen, some of you may be thinking, "yeah right, a cat can't type " but I am the LINUS, and I can. I type my blog. I learned how to type, my Mommy taught me. Here I am typing my blog. Take that you non-believers! Aren't I cute?

Cotton genitalia

My dilemma... I think I wouldn't mind cotton stuffed genetalia. Its better than having NONE! My balls were taken from me. You know I was only a tiny kitten when my Mommy took me to the vet in an ugly cage and paid them to cut my balls off. You know that they put GAS on my face. Lini whiskers and all, got gas. Dey knocked me out and when I woke up i had no balls. How dare they! Some day they will feel the Wrath of the Linus! I think I would rather have cotton genitals. This koala bear who is an admirer of mine thinks his cotton balls are sad. Well, I am now seriously considering getting plastic feline surgery. That way my Mommy can pay dem to put my balls BACK on my body! Fuck you if you think that's stupid! Humans can do that, why not cats? I think i am gonna think about getting ball implants. What do my followers think of that? I may need to start a fundraiser. We shall see. Right now I am gonna go nap some more. I can't believe dey put Gas on me.

My Body is a Wonderland!

Yes! My body is a wonderland..just like the song. I have a beautiful body. My body is FIVE! I like to sing my body is a wonderland to myself because it makes me think of my white. I caressed my white today and suckled myself to sleep. I took a great nap today on my chair and ignored the world. I got some action from my sister and then I passed out. This is the position I use to channel the universe. Screw everybody!

Forth of July SUCKS!

I hate you all. You humans ! Why must you scare cats like this. All night I am running to hide in terror. Why are you blowing up lights in the sky? Why must you make those sounds? Screaming whistles and shrieks, bang, boom, snap, crash, come on, STOP IT! I hate fireworks! Besides, my brithday already passed, i don't see what you could be celebrating! No more fireworks! Can't you see that I am terrified!!!