I have hope

I tink I found a way outta dis place! I am gonna go ingognito. You see, the reason I like my friend Dwight so much is obvious. Isn't it? Say his name slowly....Da....whight...as in THE WHITE! You see he is a gay Linus, and he loves to nuzzle my white. I have found a way outta here. Dwight is the answer. I will pretend I am him and bust outta dis place. See, Dwight is getting set free tomorrow. His humans are coming to get him. So..I have a plan. I am gonna escape..you will see. Don't tell anyone. Talk to ya on da otha side of the gate.
The Linus shall be free..!

Solitary confinement

I have really done it now. I got my own cell now, but its really tiny. You see, Lucifer tried to mess with me. He bit my tail really hard and I scratched his eye out. It just so happened that da warden saw it, and blamed me for being violent. Well, now I am here, alone. I really miss my friend Dwight. I hope I will be back with him soon. Do you humans realize WHY I like him so much? Duh! You don't get it. I really need to bust outta dis place. If only I wasnt so fat, I think I may be able to slink through deese bars. Well, I am gonna starve myself for one day and see if I cant slink out of here, free Dwight and run for our lives! Lini planning great escape! Solitary confinement bites big time..I hate disss!

Shhh.... The wires are so easy to snaggle in here, some other Linus must have left his laptop in here. Its great to have. Hope dey dont catch me with it though. You humans getter help me! Damn you! Free the Linus! i dont deserve this torture. I am sorry for what i done. I didnt mean to break things. i am the Linus, I got curious! Set me free...!

Linus in Jail

Please help me! I am surrounded by the world's most violent felines. I do not belong here. Get me out now!

I plea to all my fellow felines out there, cats everywhere...help me!

FREE THE LINUS!

My cell mates are so mean to me. There's Lucifer the one on my left, he likes to bite me every chance he gets. He is the meanest cat I have ever encountered. He is in here for 1st degree Linus slaughter/murder (Dwight, the fat cat on my lower right told me that) Apparently, he kilt another cat that was humping his wife, and now she has kittens by him. Thats just Lini gossip though. Dwight is the only nice cat, and we have become good friends. He appreciates the finer qualities of shredded turkey and gravee...although we neva get dat here. The only reason he is here is because he is so fat his humans decided to lock him up to make him less fat. Not very nice is dat? Well, he told me what he did. He told me dat dare was an incident with some pet birds, and his humans were out at work...when dey came home, no more birds..and Dwight had to come here for his punishment. We are lucky is we get some water and stale dry food.

The nasty bitch below me is Pixie, she in here for prostitution. She already tried to weasle her way into Dwight's and I's good graces, we try to ignore her but she is in a state of perpetual heat. She moans and whines all damn night. I tried to tell her nicely dat I have no balls and I am unable to satisfy her...but, I think she swallowed some drano or something because she doesnt understand. Okay, then there is, the kitten on my right is in here for mental health reasons...we arent quite sure yet exactly why. He has no name.

Dwight and I have been trying all night to catch dis mouse in here. There are some really mean cats in here. Its so loud we get hardy a twinkle of sleep. The warden cats spit at us and we really need brushing bad. Well, I better go now, i don't want the cat warden to find out we know how to hack into his computer. Please send help!

FREE THE LINUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dwight and I need help!