My Mouse!

I have proved my worth. I saved my parents from the house mouse! I am a hero! I heard sounds all week coming from behind the refrigerator, and my dry food has been disappearing! I had to catch that theiving little furry rodent. Today I sniffed him out and then my Daddy moved the fridge, and there he was. I pounced at once! I grabbed him in my jaws and squeezed him, growling and hissing in delight! My Mommy freaking took pictures of me and my mouse because she is so proud of me and of course because I am so adorable. I got the mouse, and I am the best cat there eva was. Here are pichas of me and my mouse!

Oh, and I kind of let him loose so I can catch him again. He escaped when I lost my grip...I will get him. I would appreciate compliments from any one of you human folk who reads dis.
Love, Linus the Killer



My Mouse in My Mouth!




My mouse!!

I taste good?

I am mortified! Damn you! Somebody posted in my guestbook in reference to my post about how the Chinese eat cat...

"Jasper,They eat cat because it tastes good, yes thats right cat meat (you) taste good. get over it... "


Thats not very nice. How could you say I taste good? Is that why my sister is always licking me, because she wants to eat me? Please dont eat me, please dont want to eat me, I am a cat, I am your baby, nooooo!!!! Look into my eyes..do you really want to eat me?

They eat cat

Did you know that the Chinese eat cats? Its true. I had this discussion with my family and they still insist on eating cat. The worst part about it was dat when they brough home some pork fried rice da otha day, they fed me the table scraps and I ate my own kind. I ate cat! I cannot express in words how terrible this cattabolism is. Today I watched the snow melt and I napped on my paper on da couch. Tomorrow I am gonna try to eat my parents goldfish. They eat cat so they deserve me to eat their fish. Screw dem! Here is a picha of me on my couch. My eyes are not really dat bright, its the stupid camera. Damn you for thinking I have weird eyes. My paper is so comfortable. Ahh...

Real Turkey and a Walk outside

Today was great! I got to take a walk out in da snow with my Mommy. She let me walk where Daddy doesn't and it was great fun. I love to explore and sniff. After my walk I came inside to the unmistakable aroma of real turkey cooking in da oven. My parents make it for suppa and I got a big plate of fresh white meat and a little gravy. After dat I took a long nap and right now I am ready for bed and some animal planet. Here are some pichas of my great day. Aren't I cute?

I can't mount the bitch!

This afternoon I was feeling like I needed a little something to satisfy me. I am tired of humping stuffed animals, so I tried to corner my wife/sister/mother Lhotse for a little action. I am not sure of the exact status of our relationship because when I was little i sucked her teets like a baby kitten does with its mother, when i grew i fell in love with her, and yet she is my sister so anyway...she just hissed at me. Fuck her! I want a piece of tail. Oh well better luck next time. Right now I am just gonna go scratch myself and lick my ass. I find it very frustrating not having testicles and yet still having sexual urges. My parents (assholes) took me to the vet when I was a tiny kitten and made them cut off my balls. The worst part about dat was dat they PAID THEM to hurt me, sick and twisted and not nice. Now I have no balls and I only have stuffed animals. Damn it. This is my wife that I tried to mount, she is one fiesty feline.

Snow on my pink pads

This morning I went outside with my Daddy in da snow. I put my precious pink pads in da snow and walked around the house. Snow feels funny on my pink pads, its cold and a strange feeling. After dat i meowed on the front porch until my Daddy let me in, ashole waited long enough. After dat I went to my food bowl and ate and ate, being in da cold is tiring and i den needed a nap. I slept on my paper (I love paper in all forms) see my website for more on dat.

After dat my Mommy made some Ramen noodles for lunch and fed me some. I luff noo-dells.
Not many cats eat dem, dey are good. Well, right now its nap time and after I take a big dump in my litter box I am gonna sleep on my paper. My parents think i am fat, fuck dem. Aren't I adorable?